Deathmatch - An Alcoholic's Fantasy Land

Looking back on some of the drink lists we've had at Deathmatch, i'm still pretty blown away. I thought i'd share a couple of my favorites:

Deathmatch Last Meal - April 19th, 2009

The Wine: (More than 92 bottles worth if you do the math!)

*12 x Broadbent, Vinho Verde N/V
*Bellenda, Brut Prosecco di Conegliano-Valdobbiadene “San Fermo”, 1.5l
*Bellavista, Brut Franciacorta Cuvée, 1.5l
*Perrier-Jouët, Brut Champagne Cuvée Belle Epoque “Fleur de Champagne” 1990, 3.0l (Jeroboam)
*6 x Lustau, Amontillado Jerez Puerto de Santa Maria “Almacenista Jose Luis Gonzalez Obregon” N/V
*Georg Breuer, Riesling QbA Rheingau Rüdesheim Berg Schlossberg 2004, 3.0l (1 of 30 Produced)
*Dr. Bürklin-Wolf, Riesling Spätlese Trocken Pfalz Forster Kirchenstück 1997, 1.5l
*St. Michael-Eppan, Sauvignon Alto Adige “Sanct Valentin” 2004
*6 x Bodegas Aragonesas, Campo de Borja “Coto de Hayas” Rosado 2007
*Estancia, Meritage Alexander Valley 1989, 1.5l
*Tramonti, Chianti Classico 2004, 3.0l
*Nicolis, Veronese IGT “Testal” 2001, 1.5l
*Poggio Amorelli, Toscana IGT “Oracolo” 2003, 3.0l
*Domaine Henri Perrot-Minot, Chambolle-Musigny Vieilles Vignes 1999, 1.5l
*Domaine Jean Chauvenet, Nuits-Saint-Georges Premier Cru Rue de Chaux 2001, 1.5l
*Louis Bernard, Châteauneuf-du-Pape 1999, 1.5l
*Domaine de Vieux Télégraphe, Châteauneuf-du-Pape “La Crau” 1997, 1.5l
*Château Lamartine, Cahors Cuvée Particulière 2004
*Bodegas Alejandro Fernandez Tinto Pesquera, Ribera del Duero “Janus” Gran Reserva 1995
*Château Musar, Bekaa Valley 1999
*Hanzell, Pinot Noir Sonoma Valley 1990, 1.5l (Signed by Bob Sessions)
*Marchesi di Barolo, Barolo “Grande Annata” Riserva 1988
*William Hill Winery, Cabernet Sauvignon Reserve 1990, 5.0l (Imperial)
*Librandi, Val di Neto IGT “Gravello” 2003
*Tenuta Il Poggione, Brunello di Montalcino Riserva 1997
*Ridge, “Geyserville” Sonoma County 1999, 1.5l
*Fauchon, Sauternes “Réserve” 1995, 375ml
*Foreau, Vouvray Moelleux Domaine du Clos Naudin 1995
*Wegeler-Deinhard, Riesling Spätlese Mosel-Saar-Ruwer 1990
*Friedrich-Wilhelm-Gymnasium, Riesling Beerenauslese Mosel-Saar-Ruwer Trittenheimer Apotheke 1989
*Fonseca, Reserve Porto “Terra Bella” N/V
*Château de Montpezat, Coteaux du Languedoc “Palombières” 2003
*Condado de Haza, Ribera del Duero 2001
*Mt. Difficulty, Pinot Noir Central Otago 2004, 1.5l
*Etude, Pinot Noir Carneros 2004
*2 x John Duval Wines, Shiraz Barossa Valley “Entity” 2005
*Niebaum-Coppola, Zinfandel Napa Valley “Edizione Pennino” 1999 (Signed by Francis Ford Coppola)
*Masciarelli, Montepulciano d’Abruzzo “Villa Gemma” Riserva 2000
*Marchesi di Barolo, Barolo Cannubi 2004
*Jean-Luc Colombo, Cornas Les Ruchets 1998
*Bollinger, Brut Champagne “La Grande Année” 1999

The Beer:

*G. Schneider & Sohn, “Wiesen Edel-Weisse” Hefeweizen, Kelheim, Germany, 20l (1/6 Barrel)
*St. Bernardus, “Abt 12” Quadrupel, Watou, Belgium, 20l (1/6 Barrel)
*Harviestoun, “Ola Dubh Special Reserve 12” Old Ale, Clackmannanshire, Scotland, 40l (Cask)
*Castle Eggenberg, “Samichlaus Bier” Doppelbock, Eggenberg, Austria, 3.0l
*24 x Geary’s, “Wee Heavy” Scottish Ale, Portland, Maine, 12 oz. bottles
*24 x Geary’s, Imperial IPA, Portland, Maine, 12 oz. bottles
*12 x Anheuser-Busch, “Bud Light Lime” Beer, 12 oz. bottles (F’n Spider)
*6 x Falstaff Brewing Company, “Ballantine XXX” Ale, 16 oz. cans (F’n Gerry)
*Lots x Pabst Brewing Company, “Pabst Blue Ribbon” Beer, 12 oz. bottles, 12 & 16 oz. cans

The Hooch:

Lillet, Apéritif Blanc, France
Cointreau, Triple Sec Liqueur, France
Cock-Russell & Co., “Boodles British Gin” London Dry Gin, England
Lucid, Absinthe “Supérieure”, France (we drank this out of Gerry's prosthetic leg)
Leblon, Cachaça, Brasil
Herredura, Tequila “Silver”, Mexico
Don Julio, Tequila “Reserva de Don Julio” Blanco, Mexico



Deathmatch Japan - March 7th, 2008

1x Daimon Shuzo, Mukune "Shadows of Katano" Junmai Ginjo Nigori, Osaka, Japan, 720ml
2x Echigo Shuzo, Echigo Hana-Bonbori Junmai Ginjo, Niigata, Japan, 500ml
48x Gekkeikan Sake, Zipang Sparkling Junmai, Kyoto, Japan, 250ml
1x Gekkeikan Sake, Black & Gold Junmai Ginjo(?), Kyoto, Japan, 720ml
1x Gekkeikan Sake (U.S.A.), Light Gekkeikan Futsu-shu, California, United States, 750ml
1x Hakutsuru Sake, Hakutsuru Japanese Excellent Futsu-shu, Hyogo, Japan, 720ml
1x Hakutsuru Sake, Hakutsuru Superior Junmai Ginjo, Hyogo, Japan, 720ml
1x Kaetsu Shuzo, Kanbara "Wings of Fortune" Junmai Ginjo, Niigata, Japan, 720ml
1x Kasumi Tsuru, Kasumi Tsuru Yamahai Ginjo, Hyogo, Japan, 720ml
2x Kiuchi, Kikusakari Tarusake, Ibaraki, Japan, 720ml
4x Kiuchi, Kikusakari Tarusake, Ibaraki, Japan, 900ml
3x Kiuchi, Kikusakari Asamurasaki Red Rice, Ibaraki, Japan, 720ml
2x Kiuchi, Kikusakari Kurashizuku Junmai Ginjo Usu Nigori, Ibaraki, Japan, 375ml
1x Kiuchi, Kikusakari Kurahibiki Daiginjo, Ibaraki, Japan, 375ml
1x Kiuchi, Gekkakow Vintage Junmai Daiginjo 2002, Ibaraki, Japan, 375ml
1x Momokawa, Silver Junmai Ginjo, Oregon, United States, 750ml
1x Momokawa, Pearl Junmai Ginjo Nigori Genshu, Oregon, United States, 750ml
1x Nanbu Bijin, Nanbu Bijin "Ancient Pillars" Junmai Daigingjo, Iwate, Japan, 720ml
1x Ozeki, Ozeki Karatamba Honjozo, Hyogo, Japan, 300ml
1x Ozeki, Osakaya-Chobei Daiginjo, Hyogo, Japan, 300ml
1x Ozeki Sake (U.S.A.), Ozeki Nigori, California, United States, 375ml
1x Ozeki Sake (U.S.A.), Ginjo Premier Ginjo, California, United States, 720ml
1x Saiya Shuzoten, Yuki No Bosha Limited Release Junmai Ginjo, Akita, Japan, 720ml
1x Saiya Shuzoten, Yuki No Bosha Akita Komachi Daiginjo, Akita, Japan, 720ml
2x Sasaichi Shuzo, Madoka Honjozo, Yamanashi, Japan, 720ml
1x Sudo Honke, Sato No Homare "Pride of the Village" Junmai Ginjo, Ibaraki, Japan, 720ml
1x Takasago Shuzo, Takasago Ginga Shizuku Junmai Daiginjo, Hokkaido, Japan, 720ml
2x Tatsuuma-Honke, Kuromatsu-Hakushika Snow Beauty Nigori, Hyogo, Japan, 300ml
1x Tatsuuma-Honke, Hakushika Yamadanishiki Junmai, Hyogo, Japan, 300ml
1x Tatsuuma-Honke, Hakushika Junmai Ginjo, Hyogo, Japan, 300ml
2x Yamamoto Honke, Genbei San No Onikoroshi Futsu-shu, Kyoto, Japan, 180ml
1x Yamamoto Honke, MizunoShirabe Ginjo, Kyoto, Japan, 720ml
1x Yamamoto Honke, MatsunoMidori Junmai Daiginjo, Kyoto, Japan, 720ml



32 Sakes, 16 Breweries, 16 Styles, 10 Prefectures and 2 States, 91 Bottles, 38 Liters

Drinking at Bars in Asian Restaurants # 2 - Asia

I don't think I've ever had a worse food hangover than this past tuesday morning.... the morning after Asia.

Welcome to drinking at bars in Asian restaurants. This is a series of posts where Myself, Dietz, and several other "Alcohol Professionals" descend drunkenly upon unsuspecting and usually family-oriented Asian restaurants and proceed to drink as much of their booze as we can while indulging in whatever the fuck they have.

In the first post we were pleasantly surprised by how good Kon Asian Bistro was. Clearly, we let our luck get to our heads...

I decided that Kon was too "high brow" for what we were trying to accomplish. We needed to slum it, I wanted Pu-Pu Platters goddamn it, and umbrellas in my drinks. Asia (Millcreek, South Portland) seemed to be perfect. Our companions for this venture were: Nolan (Beer Buyer, Downeast Beverage), Drew (Manager, Old Port Sea Grill), Kelly (Avid Drinker), and Sarah (Avid Drinker).

Asia's sign immediately sets the tone. On one side there is an image of a boy wearing a coolie hat holding a fish, and on the other is an identical image that portrays the boy to be badly burnt. We drank recklessly before we arrived. Once again I perceive myself to be blacked out, so I fire up the voice recorder on my phone. Unfortunately, there were only 4 seats at the bar and 6 of us, so we settled for a table in the "lounge."

Our waitress, Sue, seemed only mildly amused with us at first, which would progress into mildly annoyed. We order two scorpion bowls and a volcano bowl to start, with plans to conquer the entire drink list shortly after (zombies, suffering bastards, pearl harbors, etc.).

With drinks ordered I start my campaign for ordering three Pu-Pu platters, my argument being that the menu says each is "for two people." I meet strong opposition, even from Dietz, and am forced to settle for two. I drunkenly declare that the bar is not made of magic, like Kon, but rather out of Howie Mandel. What the fuck I meant by that, I'm not quite sure.

3 flaming bowls of liquor arrive at the table. The scorpion bowls actually taste pretty good, although we decide, in our inebriated state, that there's not enough booze in them. We frantically blow out the fires to preserve what we can of the Bacardi 151 used to ignite them.

I'm having a pretty good time at this point, though Dietz tries to rain on my parade by saying that the food is going to put us in a "hurt locker." Drew suggests that if I get any louder, I may need to go sit in the "time out chair," sans my scorpion bowl, for five minutes. Listening to the recording is starting to make me cringe at the sound of my own voice. I yell at the speaker for myself to stop interrupting people.


The Pu-Pu platters arrive and we seem to have had our fire privileges revoked, as there was just an unlit Sterno in the middle. We also get an order of steamed dumplings, which no one comments on so I'm assuming were pretty forgettable. The chicken fingers, wings, barbeque pork, fried shrimp, and beef teriyaki are all on par with any other run-of-the mill Chinese-American restaurant. The crab rangoons, however, were fucking awful. They had minimal filling and resembled over-cooked fortune cookies.

After destroying the Pu-Pu platters I declare, for the first of about 10 times, that I feel like "I'm going to die." There's actually video footage of me talking about having trouble breathing and feeling like I was "about to die." After Dietz and I polish off the bowl of liquor, I decide that i'd like a Pina Colada. Sue was completely indifferent when I expressed my disappointment about the lack of umbrellas in my drink, and I can't blame her.

Things really went downhill when the entrees showed up. My orange chicken was actually pretty good, but that was the only one that was passable. The worst offender was Nolan's sweet and sour pork, that was barely cooked dough around some grayish meat with pineapple syrup and maraschino cherries. Dietz's Hunan beef and Kelly's Hunan chicken were almost as bad. I point to the TV and loudly announce "Well, thank god the game's on!" Talk begins of the possibility that I may, in fact, die before this meal is over.

Nolan tries to get me to eat some of his bullshit pork, and I decline. Everyone appears to be running out of steam at this point and I suggest we order snifters full of 151. Thankfully, everyone ignores me.


The subject matter of our conversation begins to cause bar patrons to leave. I express that I'm proud of this fact, and Sarah suggests that it may have been when I was talking about someone being "gang-fucked by Neanderthals." I declare that it's time to end this recording. We all toast to our Asia experience and we get our check. I invite Sue to come play Big Buck Hunter at Howie's with us after, and she declines. Our bill comes to around 200 dollars, and my fortune cookies are stale. Oh well, time to go to a bar.

I last for about 2 drinks and 5 horrible rounds of Big Buck Hunter at Howie's (295 Off-Ramp, Washington Ave.) before I need to be taken home. I'm in bed by 11.

Drinking at Bars in Asian Restaurants #1 - Kon Asian Bistro

Welcome to the first of many posts where Dietz and I set out to get hammered on ridiculous drinks and sample the food at random Asian restaurant bars in the Greater Portland Area.

Kon Asian Bistro, located out by exit 8 on Brighton Avenue, occupies the spot formerly known as The Maine Super Buffet. I never made it out to the buffet during it's reign of terror, but I do recall a story told by someone who had...
It was a birthday party for what appeared to be a five year old. When it came time to open presents my friend witnessed the child open up a new Black and Decker Tool Set (probably purchased last minute across the street at Bradley's). Apparently the child seemed confused and the father seemed ecstatic... Nice.


Our companions for this venture were Nolan (Beer Buyer - Downeast Beverage), Molly (Avid Drinker), and Edna (Local Bartender). We stumbled in already half in the bag around 8 p.m...
The owners clearly invested alot into renovating the space. A big golden Buddha greets you as you enter. We head straight over to the illuminated bar which we decided, after a few more drinks, was made of magic. Immediately I declare that I love this place..
To start I select the "Man Tai," a Mai Tai with twice the booze. At this point I decide to fire up the voice recorder on my phone knowing that a blackout was iminent.
I order food for the group. Overall, the quality is excellent. I focused on hot apps, though the restaurant has a full sushi bar (and Habachi tables - next time).
We Had:
1. Indian Pancakes: Delicious little flatbreads with curry sauce.
2. Mini Beijing Duck: Everyone loved these, especially the doughy house made "mini buns" to wrap around the duck.
3. Kon Lettuce Wrap: I liked that the lettuce wrappers were perfect ovals. The filling was delicious, kind of reminded me of an egg roll (at least that's what I listened to myself say on the recording a day later..)
4. Gyoza: I haven't had many Gyoza that I haven't liked but these were exceptional. Great filling and a perfect crust on the outside.



5. Hot and Sour Soup: This was the most disapointing dish of the evening. Even though it showed up with an opulent golden spoon, it was neither hot nor sour.
6. Garlic Chilean Sea Bass: The fish was cooked perfectly, with a nice crispy crust. The accompanying soba noodles were a little overcooked.
7. Rock Shrimp: Oh My Fucking God... This is one of my new favorite dishes in Portland. Crispy fried rock shrimp doused in a kewpie mayo sriracha scallion sauce... Fuck.. We devoured 4 orders of these and I (after listening to the recording) declared that they were amazing about 15 times..
8. General Tso's Chicken: Had to order it and I was glad I did. Everything it should be - fried, sweet, spicy, and delicious.
9. Beef Negimaki: I liked these but Dietz was indifferent. They did have a little bit of a "home stir-fry kit taste," but I thought they were decent.

Halfway through all of this Dietz decides to officially send me spiraling into an abyss of drunken insanity by ordering a scorpion bowl. This enormous bowl of liquor tasted like exactly that, sucked through a foot long straw. Dietz also declared that we needed to drink the puddle of Bacardi 151 used to set the drink on fire - which didn't help my cause either. I tried to convince him to snort it, but to no avail.



The only problem with using magic as the material for your restaurant bar is that it clearly illuminates the mess you've made with the food. The prices are very reasonable, I think, I don't really remember.. I felt that I needed to try a regular Mai Tai after the dreaded scorpion bowl and the conversation began about the next move for the evening. I suggested the Strip Club but Edna protested, saying that Mondays are "Totally B-Team over there." Nolan and Molly decide (wisely) to call it a night. We somehow end up at Vignola (because if there's anyone who won't judge me for being such a fuck-up, it's Steve Sousa) where I barely get through saying hi to everyone before I decide that I have no business being in public... I am graciously escorted home where I open another bottle of wine, drink about a glass, and finally pass out..



I'm excited to go back to Kon, as I'm sure it will catch on as a place for strippers to go hang out and drink before and after their shift. Everyone wins here, because not only are strippers fun but they love to spend money and tip very well.

The only thing this place is missing is an opium den...

How I'm Still Alive

As you read the posts on this blog you've probably wondered how I manage to get anything done being such a drunk. Well, I'll tell you.

Here are my top methods for pulling yourself together when you're hungover:

1. GT Dave's Kombucha (Original Flavor)

"Living Food for the Living Body." Ok, sounds kind of stupid but this shit really works. It makes you feel like you've slept an extra three hours. I reccomend the Original Flavor because I believe you have to suffer through the ones that taste the worst because they are the most effective. Not that bad once you get used to it, kind of tastes like hard cider with floaties. Good enough for Lindsey Lohan!
You can get it at: Whole Foods

2. Maine Squeeze Juice Bar, Portland ME.
This guy's got what you need to help recover. I suggest starting with a ginger shot to calm your stomach, and then the "Belly Pleaser" - parsley, spinach, bananas, mango, soy milk, cider, and dates. I know that greasy food seems appealing when you're hungover, but that shit will just make you feel worse.

3. Water
Drink tons of it. I don't have to tell you why, right?

4. Zico
Pure coconut water, available in three flavors. I like the regular coconut, ice cold. It has a nice effect if you shotgun it, aiding heavily for re-hydration.
You can get it at: The Cheese Iron and One Fifty Ate

5. Pho
Nothing better than hot, spicy broth to bring you back to life.
I reccomend Thanh Thanh 2 on Forest Ave. in Portland for the beef-based broths, and if you prefer chicken got to Huong's on Cumberland Ave. - Also in Portland.

6. Weed
This can go either way for me. Sometimes, depending on the quality, it makes everything better. Othertimes, it makes me kind of ill.
You can get it from: Let me Know



7. The combination of a green tea, a beer, and a water.
Perfect. Now we're back on track!

8. Exercise
If you can muster enough energy without vomiting, this is truly the only way to completely banish a hangover from your system. God it sucks, though..

9. Not getting shit-faced, passing out on a friend's couch/bed, not having any water to wake up and drink, and falling asleep with my contact lenses in.
I usually feel alot better if I don't do all of these things at once.

10. Hair of the Dog
The quick fix that's guaranteed to leave your day in shambles!




Well, there you go. Ten ways to help you cope with your drinking habit.

Enjoy!