Saturday, February 6, 2010

What's Wrong with Wine Today:

Really people?

2008 Chateau Lavergne Bordeaux 187ml (3.99 retail)
Pairs with: A hospital visit after you are savagely beaten and maimed.

Hooray! Disgusting Bordeaux in a mini plastic beer glass (perfect for on-the-go) has arrived! I don’t know, there’s something about the sight of someone enjoying one of these that would make me want to push them down a flight of stairs.

I can’t think of any reason, especially with so many great wines available in a screw-cap, anyone would ever fall for this marketing strategy.

Maybe you:

1. Have no self-respect.
2. Work for a large distributor and have been forced to sell your soul to “move units”
3. Think it’s really cute (god I hate you)
4. Like wine that tastes like wet cardboard.
5. Enjoy cracking into your wine in the same manner as you would a snack-pack of Mott's Apple Sauce.
5. Also enjoy this product:

Pairs with: The worst day of your life.

“The taste of Dutch chocolate and fine red wine” gives way to a delightful mélange of an inebriated homeless person who pounded a YooHoo chocolate drink and then threw up.

Don’t be fooled by the tranquil windmill scene on the label, it’s going to be a rugged journey. This wine conjures up images of reindeer sweater-wearing shitheads drinking out of reindeer mugs, urging each other to “just try it – you can’t even taste the booze!”

My pal Drew said he would rather shotgun a 24oz. Budweiser Chelada.

No. Just Say No.


  1. I can't believe people really like this shit! I have so many fat-ass house wife types coming into the store looking for "that chocolate wine, its really great"...yeah like a fucking hole in the head lady... now get the fuck outta here!

  2. ha, i saw your still life with crappy wine the other day when i was in downeast. not you though!

  3. wow. i'd never heard of chocowine. amazing. thanks for a fabulously huge chuckle.

  4. haha that is GREAT. A homeless person who just regurgitated, yuck. lmao.