Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Critics Have Spoken! Portland Food Coma Is A Hit!


The Reviews are In!
Thanks Everyone For a Great Year!


"This guy is a friggin gluttonous moronic pig to say the least....Now it looks like we'll be footing his medical bills because of his lifestyle choices!!! Hurry up and croak!"
-heyjoe

"He has been awarded the Jeffrey K. Monroe Lifetime Achievement Award."
-homeboy

"Generation ZERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
-heyjoe (number one fan)

"Maybe he's not so stupid after all. I think he might be looking for a piece of that 4.3 million that we just got to fight obesity."
-ElSkipper

"looks like he idolizes Belushi...the dead one."
-Pillory

"eeewwww.. he is just gross"
-othermissy

"Justin Ellis and is continual persona of the stupid and mundane still pervades this rag... Get some real articulate writers of the human condition instead of gluttonous Neanderthals that portend to be food experts... This is really the bottom of the barrel!!!!"
-heyjoe

"Belushi plus Farley equals dead. The guy has a coke habit that is going to kill him. Do we celebrate the homeless alcoholic addicts in Portland? Not a fan."
-TWFubnlmb29k

"This guy is a moron to say the least. He is the reason why so many Mainers are overweight. When eating out, I always ask for a "to go" container when they bring my food. The servers don't like this but I don't eat out that often, but when I do, the food is going home with me. If they would lower their prices, and serve smaller meals, they would also have more customers. But this guy is just a "pig" and to think that I as a taxpayer will be paying for his medical bills now. So wrong, have a heart attack and die and save us all the money."
-Ladydiodes2

"There is a huge difference between enjoying foie gras and wine, and blowing a rail of cocaine the size of my arm and pounding vodka straight out of the bottle. He's an addict and an embarassment to the Portland culture scene. Disgusting."
-TWFubnlmb29k

"The point is that he's disgusting and ready to die. The coke, hard alcohol and other excesses should not be celebrated. Have a good time, enjoy food, but don't make a mess out of yourself. Which he does. Do you think the staff at Maine Magazine are aware of his cocaine habit? I have SEEN him do more coke in one sitting than I have ever seen in movies. There is a problem. It is undeniable. He isn't going to live past 33 like Belushi. Blood Pressure and cholesterol pills ain't going to help this guy!"
-null


"EAT FOOD AND DIE......BYE BYE......"
-heyjoe

CHEERS!

33 comments:

  1. um, fuck all these people...especially the bitch who brings the to go containers! what. the. fuck. Joe, don't ever stop being as awesome as you are.

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  2. Wow, angry much folks? Sheesh. I especially like the person who asks for a to go container with her food. I'll bet she goes out only on Valentine's day and New Years.

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  3. You would have LOVED the posts during the Gay Marriage issue back in November--a lovely gathering of some of Maines most ignorant minds with unlimited internet access..

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  4. to Ladydiodes2, you are a small and annoying.

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  5. wow. Whole lotta judgement. Did some clown say that "the local food scene" has been denigrated by Joe's blog(life) or some such annoying shit? Please. Keep up the good work. Maybe chill on the gack tho...kills the taste buds anyway.

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  6. I've seen Joe snort a line of foie gras as long as his arm, or maybe it was my arm... could have been pounding some foie gras with a bottle of vodka instead. Oh, gee, I can't remember...

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  7. don't go changin'... i love you just the way you are.

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  8. the internet needs to get a life...

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  9. i'm so glad you can laugh at those crazy fucks. i want to post something back at them but then i realized that would make me a crazy fuck too.

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  10. re: to go container lady. some years back, whilst perusing a well-worn edition of "proctology today" at a location best left undisclosed, i happened upon an article that may shed light on this damsel's plight. yes, damsel, said i. for she might well deserve our comfort and aid, not our scorn.
    a group of scientists, said the "pt" piece, dateline geneva i seem to recall, though perhaps it was moonachie, had found a direct link between poor anal hygiene and an inability to complete a professionally prepared meal outside the home. the evidence seemed quite compelling. poor anal hygiene, you might recall from reading past issues of "pt," is categorized as a disease, much as alcoholism. hence, my sympathy for the aforementioned crazy to go lady. i shall look through my papers and forward you the article should it turn up.

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  11. I'd like to read that article, but I worry that it may be too much hard science for me to handle in one sitting. Can you please break it up into a bi-monthly series?

    Thank you.

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  12. I was just about to get a bacon cross tattoo, but after reading this I am conflicted. Clearly these intelligent readers know more than I do. May I have a doggy bag?

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  13. Ladydiosdes2 is too good to be true. I PAY TAXES! GIVE ME A DOGGY BAG! DIE! THE FOOD IS GOING HOME WITH ME!

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  14. I look forward to your blog every time I sign into my account. The problem is is that people have no senses of humor anymore. They take things that are meant to be tongue and cheek way too personally. The real truth is that they are all just a bunch of oppressed, jealous assholes that are too scared to indulge in the kind of fun that you have. Good for fucking you to express yourself the way you do. Food and drink are your art and you are compelled to make your life about it. No one is cutting a hole in the side of your house to extract you for gastric bypass surgery. You work hard and pay your taxes just like the rest of us. Congratulations on your exposure! I hope that all of the people that wished death upon you have explosive diarrhea for life!!!!

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  15. Sorry for off-topic, but I didn't see a way to contact you. You should try your hand at the upcoming Tender Bender Challenge.

    http://events.constantcontact.com/register/event?oeidk=a07e2t4agls90479fd0

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  16. Aaron!!!
    Get the fuck OUT of here, JEEzuss. When you, J.D. and Al decide to get some balls and cook some real food, give us a call. Until then, FUCK OFF!
    CHRIST!
    your pal,
    johnnyd

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  17. Hey JohnnyD,
    If you're Joe's mouthpiece, then I get the message. If Joe wants to reply, he can still feel free. And if he says the same thing, well...oh well. Apologies for not directing this to Joe in my first comment.
    Yours in civility?,
    Aaron

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  18. Hi Aaron,

    What's up?

    Johnny?

    I'm confused....

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  19. I simply wanted to see if you were up for some competitive eating. I'd heard about the blog, then read the recent NXT article and thought that though it's not nose-to-tail or anything like that, it represents the spirit of decadence. Granted, it's not really in line with what you're doing/who you are. I just thought you might want to know about it and possibly try your hand, er, mouth. I would've just emailed you directly but I didn't see a way to do so. Good luck.

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  20. After much ferocious debate, the Board of Directors of Caligula Enterprises Inc. decided by 3am this morning that if Joe wants to stuff his gullet with chicken tenders, he bloody well can -BUT- under clause 903c, this event will nullify his comprehensive health insurance.

    AND

    Persuant to mandate BFDxxl-10, I have been voted out of office as Chief Administrator and Pot Washer due to use of foul language and nasty attitude on this blog.

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  21. Aaron,

    yeah man, no problem. it's fine to contact me on here. Not sure If I'm up for the competetive eating thing, but thanks for the heads up!

    Joe

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  22. W to S : "I love this man."- in email sent to S in subject line with no text in the body other than a link to the blog.
    S to W: "That's awesome - Why is that dude so fucking cool?" - in reply

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  23. "This sort of acting is A desperate call for attention" That's what they told ME in Catholic School. I have been proving them wrong for 50 years, i just AM this way... Miranda k

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  24. Joseph - these malcontents are afraid of you. Keep up the good fight.

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  25. Anonymous criticism is cool. I mean cruel.

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  26. was the aaron/jonnyd banter real?

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  27. off topic, sorry. (i posted as r2 above). if you're bored and wanna check out a food blog i started yesterday, here's the url: http://mistermeatball.blogspot.com/

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  28. Nahh... not real.

    I was trying to be funny and trash-talk my friends. Didn't seem so funny the next day.

    Sorry Fellas

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  29. silly people and their hate... I just want to hug them and pinch their cheeks.

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