Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Sausage Party

As I sit here at 9 in the morning and crack myself a Dogfish Aprihop I think to myself, "Hey! Since you think twitter is fucking stupid, why not write a blog about what you're doing RIGHT NOW?"
So off I go, blogging about Christ knows what, Already pitching myself head-first into another day of alcohol fueled madness. I do want to tell you about a party we had the other night at Deathmatch Land. The Sausage Party.

18 Guys. 0 Girls. 10 Courses of Sausage. Drew's H3. Journey. Pantera. A Dance Party. Things that outsiders would definitely consider pretty gay but we're all comfortable enough in our masculinity to know it was just "having fun."

There was no theme to the booze, everything from Donhoff Riesling to Cristom Pinot Noir to Tecate 24 oz. cans. Rob Todd from Allagash showed up and generously donated several 750ml of selections including Confluence and Black. Other highlights were the pony keg of EKU pilsner and several different smoked beers.

The Menu:
1st: Eurasian Devil Curry with Smoked Linguica - Joe
2nd: House-Made SPAM Nori Rolls - Brad
3rd: Franks and Beans with Cole Slaw - Gary
4th: House-Made Smoked Kielbasa with Pierogies - Otis
5th: Fried Yuca with Chorizo Filling - Dietz
6th: House-Made Brioche Baked Around Sausage - Nolan
7th: Chocolate and Chorizo paired with Pedro Ximinez Sherry - Arlin
8th: Sausage and Pepper Subs - Spencer
9th: "Sloppy Does" Venison Sausage Sloppy Joes - Eric
10th: Pork, Clam, and Black Bean Sausage - Jay

Around 9:30 I surprised the guys with Katie Schier showing up to do the photography. One of the best decisions I've ever made... Her lack of breasts made her fit right in, and she showed up wearing a skirt with images of penises all over it. She is an amazing photographer, as you will see when I post the pictures of myself posing Whitesnake-style on the hood of Drew's Hummer.
By midnight I was raw from sausage-induced orgasms.
So what's next, you ask?
The Clam Party, probably in July. All Girls. (with the exception of Dietz and myself, of course) All Clams. Probably a dance party. Probably a special gay male guest photographer. Probably me, per usual, leading a sing-along to "Don't Stop Believing"

Life's Amazing.


  1. Holy crap, that sounds amazing. I envy you (sometimes). My wife won't let me drink before noon :..(
    On a different note, I heard that Erik and Krista Desjarlais are opening a restaurant called "!2 Seats". Heard anything about it?

  2. I meant "12 Seats"....pardon the typo..

  3. July needs vulva shaped chocolates... Just saying.

  4. Hear hear on Uke Mochi's suggestion...July should be nothing but breasts and vulvas.

  5. Boobie cupcakes and vulva chocolates.

    Or they could just objectify Joe and make him the table of a Naked sushi party..

  6. Look. I am perfectly comfortable with being objectified and made into an 8 top for you girls to enjoy some sushi off of..
    Spencer can bus the table when you're done...

  7. You don't even want to know where the wasabi would go... But, I recommend you start waxing now.