Miyake Staff Meals - Part 1

In an effort to get my mind off the fact that I have to perform 6 songs as Meat Loaf (Clash of the Titans: Meat Loaf vs. KISS at the Empire Dine and Dance in Portland) tomorrow night, I’ve decided to compile a list of staff meals I’ve enjoyed at Miyake in the last 2 months. I’ve also decided to listen to “Parents just don’t understand” by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince at an ear-bleeding volume. Anything to get Meat Loaf’s voice out of my fucking head.

This is truly one of the great perks of employment there, something I look forward to at the end of each shift. Every meal is served with a bowl of rice, and sometimes Shinji’s sushi rice if we’re lucky.


Gindara Saikyo Yaki (miso-marinated black cod) / Japanese curry over duck and short ribs.

Gallo (cock’s comb) pasta with motsuyaki ( berkshire pork intestines) and burdock root / Tai snapper head with potato in saffron broth.

Simple Churashi (rice, fish cake, fried bean curd, & nori) / Pork Milanese topped with egg & dashi omelette / Matsutake miso soup.



Teriyaki chicken in traditional Japanese style (soy & mirin) / Tempura of matsutake, scallop, and shrimp with daikon & ginger dipping sauce.

Mahbo Dofu (ground chicken with spicy Chinese black beans, scallions, ginger, garlic, chilies, and tofu) / Tempura of conch, matsutake, and scallop.



Katayaki Soba (crispy fried noodles with shrimp, scallops, and bacon) / Takoyaki (deep fried balls of octopus garnished with kewpie mayo, nori, bonito, and togarashi).
Interesting side fact: Takoyaki street hawker stalls are all run by the Yakuza in Japan.



Nira (stir fry of pork, eggs, Chinese chives, and onions) / Tripe Marinara

Spaghetti with shiso leaf pesto, shrimp, and anchovy / Chicken Milanese with creamy arugula salad.



Ginger pork / Hamayaki (in this case uni & saba mixed with rice and kewpie mayo then broiled)

Korean style cod stew with tofu / Ginger pork



Unadon (unagi & nori over sushi rice) / Pork toro with sambal oelek & cilantro.

Fusili Carbonara w/ matsutake mushrooms / Insalata Masa with pickled white asparagus



Pork meatball soup with bean threads & tofu / Gindara Saikyo Yaki (miso-marinated black cod).

Potato gnocchi with gorgonzola sauce / Insalata Masa / Tripe Marinara



Oyakodon (chicken and eggs in dashi) / Korean style soft tofu and cod stew.

Teriyaki chicken / Soba noodles in dashi + nato (fermented soy beans that are fucking disgusting) & rice.



Salmon with buerre noir / Insalata Masa / Ton jiru (pork soup)

Ragu of motsuyaki (berkshire pork intestine) & miso served over fusili with yam cake / Insalata Masa with sesame & wakame / Miso & daikon soup.



Masa Burgers (pork and ginger patties) with gorgonzola served with a red wine & ketchup sauce / Insalata Masa / Super Toro Roll / Kamo jiru (duck soup)

Pork katsu (breaded and fried) with Japanese curry / Rigatoni with scrambled eggs, bacon, and brussel sprouts.

Yasai-Itame (ginger pork toro with cabbage) / Insalata Masa / Oyekodon (chicken and eggs in dashi)

Katsu 3 ways (chicken, salmon, and scallop) / Miyake crab cake (the lightest, fluffiest, and most delicious crab cake I’ve ever had).

Braised pork with Japanese curry / Insalata Masa with carrot & ginger vinaigrette.




Additionally I’ve included an extra bonus to reward you for reading the whole post!!!!
The lyrics to “Parents just don’t understand” by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince (of Bel-Aire)!!!



You know parents are the same
No matter time nor place
They don't understand that us kids
Are going to make some mistakes
So to you other kids all across the land
There's no need to argue
Parents just don't understand

I remember one year
My mom took me school shopping
It was me, my brother, my mom, oh, my pop, and my little sister
All hopped in the car
We headed downtown to the Gallery Mall
My mom started bugging with the clothes she chose
I didn't say nothing at first
I just turned up my nose
She said, "What's wrong? This shirt cost $20"
I said, "Mom, this shirt is plaid with a butterfly collar!"
The next half hour was the same old thing
My mother buying me clothes from 1963
And then she lost her mind and did the ultimate
I asked her for Adidas and she bought me Zips!
I said, "Mom, what are you doing, you're ruining my rep"
She said, "You're only sixteen, you don't have a rep yet"
I said, "Mom, let's put these clothes back, please"
She said "no, you go to school to learn not for a fashion show"
I said, "This isn't Sha Na Na, come on Mom, I'm not Bowzer
Mom, please put back the bell-bottom Brady Bunch trousers
But if you don't want to I can live with that but
You gotta put back the double-knit reversible slacks"
She wasn't moved - everything stayed the same
Inevitably the first day of school came
I thought I could get over, I tried to play sick
But my mom said, "No, no way, uh-uh, forget it"
There was nothing I could do, I tried to relax
I got dressed up in those ancient artifacts
And when I walked into school, it was just as I thought
The kids were cracking up laughing at the clothes Mom bought
And those who weren't laughing still had a ball
Because they were pointing and whispering
As I walked down the hall
I got home and told my Mom how my day went
She said, "If they were laughing you don't need them,
"Cause they're not good friends"
For the next six hours I tried to explain to my Mom
That I was gonna have to go through this about 200 more times
So to you other kids all across the land
There's no need to argue
Parents just don't understand

Oh-kay, here's the situation
My parents went away on a week's vacation and
They left the keys to the brand new Porsche
Would they mind?
Umm, well, of course not
I'll just take it for a little spin
And maybe show it off to a couple of friends
I'll just cruise it around the neighborhood
Well, maybe I shouldn't
Yeah, of course I should
Pay attention, here's the thick of the plot
I pulled up to the corner at the end of my block
That's when I saw this beautiful girlie girl walking
I picked up my car phone to perpetrate like I was talking
You should've seen this girl's bodily dimensions
I honked my horn just to get her attention
She said, "Was that for me?"
I said, "Yeah"
She said, "Why?"
I said, "Come on and take a ride with a helluva guy"
She said, "How do I know you're not sick?
You could be some deranged lunatic"
I said, "C'mon toots - my name is the Prince
Besides, would a lunatic have a Porsche like this?"
She agreed and we were on our way
She was looking very good and so was I, I must say - word
We hit McDonald's, pulled into the drive
We ordered two Big Macs and two large fries with Cokes
She kicked her shoes off onto the floor
She said, "Drive fast, speed turns me on"
She put her hand on my knee, I put my foot on the gas
We almost got whiplash, I took off so fast
The sun roof was open , the music was high
And this girl's hand was steadily moving up my thigh
She had opened up three buttons on her shirt so far
I guess that's why I didn't notice that police car
We're doing ninety in my Mom's new Porsche
And to make this long story short - short
When the cop pulled me over I was scared as hell
I said, "I don't have a license but I drive very well, officer"
I almost had a heart attack that day
Come to find out the girl was a twelve-year-old runaway
I was arrested, the car was impounded
There was no way for me to avoid being grounded
My parents had to come off from vacation to get me
I'd rather be in jail than to have my father hit me
My parents walked in
I got my grip, I said, "Ah, Mom, Dad, how was your trip?"
They didn't speak
I said, "I want to plead my case"
But my father just shoved me in the car by my face
That was a hard ride home, I don't know how I survived
They took turns -
One would beat me while the other one was driving
I can't believe it, I just made a mistake
Well parents are the same no matter time nor place
So to you other kids all across the land
Take it from me
Parents just don't understand



Word.

Pumpkin Beer Tasting: Don't Try This At Home

In an effort to understand how strangely excited people get for pumpkin beer season, Nolan (Beer Buyer, Dowenast Beverage) and I embark on an epic quest to taste several of the offerings on the market.
Showing up hungover to taste things that may be disgusting is not reccomended, but we are alcohol professionals.
We decide to start with the least promising of the bunch:

1. Shipyard Brewing Pumpkinhead - Portland, Maine
Me: This tastes like Shipyard Export that someone vomited pumpkin pie into. Quite possibly one of the worst things I've ever tasted. The level of excitement people have for this now officially makes me angry.

Nolan: It's like a Schlitz got raped with spices. It's awful. I guess we should have a dump bucket, huh?



2. Smuttynose Pumpkin Ale - Portsmouth, New Hampshire
Me: Tastes like a decent beer with pleasant pumpkin and spice notes. I think I like it. There may be hope for this tasting...

Nolan: You can tell by the orange color that they used real pumpkin. It actually has a good amount of hops and a nice bitterness.



3. Fisherman's Brewery Pumpkin Stout - Gloucester, Massachusets

Me: Very strong espresso flavor with very subtle pumpkin notes. I don't hate it or love it.

Nolan: I like it, but the spices may have been drowned out by the 2 initial beers we tasted. It's got a really nice dryness.



4. Dogfish Head Punkin Ale - Milton, Delaware

Me: I love the way the fruitiness compliments the pumpkin and spice. I think this is my favorite so far.

Nolan: Very aromatic. It has the body to gracefully carry the spices, and a high alcohol content.



5. Shipyard Brewery Smashed Pumpkin - Portland, Maine

Me: Overpowered by cinnamon and alcohol, this beer is way out of balance. I also think it's making my stomach turn..

Nolan: Sorry Mr. Pugsley, too much corn syrup and too much alcohol make a bad base.



6. Clipper City Brewing Heavy Seas "The Great Pumpkin" - Baltimore, Maryland

Me: I like it, but I couldn't drink more than one. It's surprisingly good, being the sweetest of the bunch.

Nolan: Sweet and malty with heavy spices. Decent, but I'm still not ready to join the Mutiny.



Overall Rankings:

Me:
1. Dogfish
2. Heavy Seas
3. Smuttynose
4. Fisherman's
5. Smashed Pumpkin
6. Pumpkinhead

Nolan:
1. Smuttynose
2. Dogfish
3. Heavy Seas
4. Fisherman's
5. Smashed Pumpkin
6. Pumpkinhead

100 Things a Customer Should Never Do -Part 1

After reading Bruce Buschel's "100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do" on the New York Times blog, my first reaction was "where did they find this arrogant clown?" When I thought about it more, however, It inspired me to compile my list of ways that one could be a better customer. Here are the first 50 - the next will be open for suggestions....

Things that restaurant customers should never do. Part one:

1. Assume anyone else enjoys your children as much as you do.
2. Not tip on the wine.
3. Insist on putting your bulky-ass winter coat on the back of a chair when we clearly have a coat rack.
4. Talk about your wine collection at home and what you paid for it.
5. Touch us, unless we hang out later and maybe sleep together.
6. Ask us to get you drugs when we don’t even know you.
7. Attempt to order something that’s not on the menu based on ingredients you see listed elsewhere.
8. Argue with us when informed that you can’t have something.
9. Assume you’re always right.
10. Use the “Can I take that to go?” or “I hated it!” joke when we clear your empty plate.
11. Get drunk enough that we need to cut you off. It’s uncomfortable for everyone involved.
12. Give your kids a bag of Cheerios to throw all over the fucking floor.
13. Show up for your reservation with a different amount of people without calling first.
14. No call, no show on a reservation.
15. Talk about “How much money you spend in here.” It actually makes you sound cheap and stupid.
16. Complain that your food is taking too long when you order a well-done piece of meat and no starter.
17. Try to speak restaurant lingo to impress us. You sound like an idiot.
18. Continue to talk when we’re clearly ready to tell you about the specials.
19. Make noises or faces that imply you don’t like one of the specials. Simply don’t order it.
20. Assume that because you see an empty table, it’s available. It’s called a reservation.
21. Try to impress us with what you know about wine. If you do this, chances are you don’t know shit.
22. Leave your fucking gift wrap everywhere after you have a birthday. We didn’t sign on for this.
23. Ask if you get something free for your birthday. What are you, five years old?
24. Assume when you tell us about an allergy that we don’t actually want to harm you.
25. Tell us that you’re allergic to something when you simply don’t like it.
26. Act like it’s our responsibility to fix one of your poor choices.
27. Spend a lot of money to impress your friends/date and not tip on it. If you’re going to be a big shot, follow through.
28. Tell us stories that never end. We have shit to do.
29. Go someplace where you’re out of your comfort zone and act like it’s our fault. There are plenty of other restaurants and servers for you to annoy the living shit out of.
30. Complain about vintages on what are clearly grocery store wines. Once again, you sound like a complete idiot.
31. Assume that when you order a bottle of wine and are poured a taste, it’s to see if you like it. False. It’s to check if the wine is flawed or not and that’s all. The only time this isn’t true is if the server aggressively sells you the bottle instead of your first choice. In this case, you have the option to say you don’t like it.
32. Take a mile when we give an inch.
33. Linger when you’ve clearly over-stayed your welcome.
34. Act like you don’t understand tipping because you’re from “abroad.”
35. Fill up on bread because it’s free.
36. Ask us to play music you want to hear. That’s why you have your house or apartment.
37. Tell us how to run our restaurant. Nobody is stopping you from opening your own.
38. Name-drop. Nobody cares….
39. Put your dirty plates on other tables, nothing makes us want to dump a drink on your head more.
40. Re-arrange tables or chairs without permission.
41. Complain about gratuity on a large party. If you don’t like it, dine in smaller numbers.
42. Complain solely based on the fact that you want something for free. We can see right through your bullshit....
43. Assume that entrees always come with a salad, and that salads always have a choice of dressings.
44. Assume that anyone gives a shit who you are or what you do.
45. Talk on your cell phone – I know, I shouldn’t even have to mention this but I do!
46. Piss all over the seat in the bathroom and not clean it up.
47. Have people join your table late, especially when they are only drinking. This takes up space not to mention is loud and annoying.
48. Assume that because you’re cold/ warm, everyone is.
49. Steal our fucking pens.
50. Take your signed credit card receipt – this is weirdly aggravating.

More to come!